You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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