You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
