my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Say something about gay babies.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
whose parrot is this?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
