I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
