do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so let's talk penis.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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