I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
