I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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