so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
