I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
