Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
