i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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