People with herpes should wear stickers.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I did not marry a roomba.
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