Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
