If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
