My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
