is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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