If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
