You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
