so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
