I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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