It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
