It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
