So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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