Non-Jews are for practice
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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