Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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