kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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