i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
