You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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