Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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