I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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