i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
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Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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