I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
