maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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