I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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