i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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