Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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