I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My bed smells like the plague
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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