Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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