my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
that is very illegal...i love you.
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