you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
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Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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