like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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