she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
