She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
