Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
How external is "for external use only"?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So much Jack, so little girl.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
