she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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