first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
