answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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