Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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