i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
