Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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