I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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