but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
