i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
