i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think people are normalizing furries
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
