Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
