when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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