He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
