he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
