gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
