I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I will pee on everything he values.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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