Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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