if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
