I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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