You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
