I am in a vortex of obligation.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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